Addict In The Family: Stories of Loss, Hope, and Recovery. Review

This book is analagous to a well-stocked pantry filled with provisions as well as the implements needed to put these resources to good use. The essence of the author's message appears to be based on the 12-Step prototype. If "Addict in the Family" contains any weakness at all, it might be the author's tendency to do it all by "The Book," including peppering the account with various references to 12-step doctrines, adages and buzzwords. A reader who is already familiar with the steps might find this format to be slightly repetitious and fairly predictable.

Through the author's story of her daughter's addiction as well as accounts given to her by other parents and loved ones of addicts, we are able to contemplate, if not feel, the pernicious grip that addiction has on everyone in the addict's circle. What follows are examples of every- day situations family members face as a result of their loved ones' addictions. We are given examples of strategies and responses that are helpful in managing or deflecting the often irrational behavior of the addict.

There is a dash of irony in the lessons that gently simmer throughout the book. While the addicted family member tends to exhibit certain obsessions surrounding his substances of choice, the author deftly conjures up a mirror image of the addict's loved one. In this dual depiction it becomes clear that the addict's family member often becomes susceptible to some of the same traits exhibited by the addict: we are reminded by the writer, ever so gently, that there are, perhaps, more similarities than differences between our addicts and ourselves. The tiny germs of irony come spilling out like so many tears: Just as our addict feels a sense of unremitting shame, so do we. Our addict is angry, and so are we. The addicted ones are depressed, sad and despondent, and we are, too.

Addicts tend to fall into the habit of concealing their ignoble behavior beneath a convincing enough topping of lies, subterfuge and denial. It appears that we family members, in the beginning, at least, are willing - even eager - to believe the fantastic multi-layered cake of deception towering in front of us. The facade that all is well is an appealing one, especially as one becomes initiated to the instability of living with a person who is also an addict. It is in this effort to achieve a measure of sanity that the addicted person's loved one often crumbles from the heat and the turbulence.

As we continue to glean sustenance from the author's kernels of wisdom, it becomes all too apparent that we, along with our addicted loved ones, are being poisoned by the unsavory byproducts of addiction.

This book offers suggestions to the family and loved ones of addicts, and these methods require us to exchange our toxic coating of negativity and denial for one that nourishes us - physically, mentally, spiritually and economically - without distorting our reality. The author recalls a time when her daughter, upon being asked of her whereabouts that evening, proceeds to concoct one of her characteristically tall tales. Although the mother knew her daughter was lying, she refrained from voicing those suspicions. Instead, she allowed her daughter to finish, while she remained impassive and unprovoked, thereby empowering herself and disarming her daughter in the process.

Setting rules and limits for the addict is another mechanism suggested in the book as a way to safeguard our overall wellbeing. Asking the addict to move out should his behavior become too disruptive or disturbing - and carrying out the order - is one more example of disengaging from our addicted love ones. There are many other inspiring stories included in the book along with helpful advice, hope and encouragement from those who have been where we, the families of an addict, are now.

At the end of the book, there are pages with listings of substance abuse facilities, mental health treatment centers, dual diagnosis rehabs, detox centers, and services for the families of the chemically addicted. It is a very comprehensive list for those who are looking for help in dealing with an addiction, whether it be a loved one's or their own.


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